What Happened to that Magical Kiss?
Remember when that fairy tale kiss was so magical? You just could not wait to declare your love in front of family and friends on your special day. So, special in fact, that it cost you and your princess or prince charming anywhere from $35,000-$45,000 dollars, according to Business Insider. A few weeks later reality sets in and normal life begins to ebb away at your dreams of your perfect castle and prince charming or even princess. You do what everyone else does and try to “keep up with the Jones.” This leads you into more debt which leads to more stress. Then you both decide to have children because all your friends are doing it. I mean, who does not want to be a part of the club. Oh, that baby shower and the gender reveal party look like so much fun. Again, the party is over and slowly things change. If you are the woman or man who is the designated caregiver, you begin to lose yourself. No longer does that carefree or free-spirited girl or guy emerge. Instead, you are trying to keep your head above water, keeping a house clean, taxiing little humans everywhere, and running errands that never stop. The list keeps getting longer and longer and the nights keep getting shorter and shorter. You may even have to work on top of this to help offset all the debt that you have gotten yourself into. Then one day, you look in the mirror and you see this figure staring back at you. You wonder what happened to your life? Why am I so miserable?
Your spouse is thinking the same thing. He gets up, takes a shower, drinks a cup or two of coffee, and heads off to work without the slightest interruption. He may even get a great workout in before going to his office. He gets to attend meetings and be productive because most of the time he is the breadwinner of his family. All day long he is surrounded by others who are well dressed and smell good. He even gets to complete tasks, achieve goals, and have real conversations about adult topics.
He comes home and wonders why the kids are screaming, why his spouse has not fixed her hair or even applied make-up. The house is not picked up and dinner is not waiting for him. He just wants to relax because his brain has been stimulated way too much. So, he goes into your bedroom to change and to escape from reality. When he emerges, the house is still in chaos and now every family member comes at him with, “can you play”, “can you help me with homework”, “can you take out the trash?” He hears his phone beep, looks down and thanks God that it is work and they need him to answer a question right now. He takes a glass of wine that his wife poured out for him and gives her a peck on the check as a conciliatory prize, like ‘”keep up the good work, but my job is more important because I am the bread winner and well…you just run the house and raise the kids.” He gracefully exits, and his spouse is reminded again that there will be no break, yet again.
This scene plays day in and day out for several years. Now when his wife looks over at him, there is this hate and underlying current of anger. Sex becomes less frequent and he jokes at the office that it is just like they said it would be. He got married, had children and now sex goes out the door. He begins to look around at all the women who are keeping themselves up and wonder why his wife does not do the same. He begins to confide in a coworker over lunch or happy hour. He may also begin to dabble in watching porn to take off the edge. He becomes desensitized and ignores those who are a part of his family unit.
Finally, he comes home one day and find his wife, angry as usual, and she says she wants a divorce. She says she is tired of him treating her like a slave, nanny, personal shopper, house keeper, and sex slave. These statements make him angry because he has been working day and night to give her and the children all the nice things they ask for. Then he remembers that it does not really matter because this fairy tale was more of a nightmare. The woman he is having an affair with will be a better mother and wife than the one he married who is now just bitter and haggard looking. His answer….fine let’s divorce.
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